Tuesday, 2 October 2012

December 1963



Beatles in Concert at the Gaumont, Southampton. December 13th 1963, And the End of `The Beatles Autumn Tour'.

Are you sitting comfortably? then I'll begin... Ruffty the squirrel was happy to find his nuts, after a very cold night...  'What?...' 'Oh, you want one of my true life growing up in the Sixties stories? why didn't you say so?'
'I'm not a mind reader you know. That would be spooky wouldn't it...Ah Cheese on toast you want now?'

"But Dad!¬ We know nothing of how your life was growing up!" say the kids.
Well now you do kids...Growing up in the late 50's and 60's is now covered by my Scruffy Kid memories...
come with me now to 1963, wrap up warm as none of the places we go have central heating. You are now entering the world of The Scruffy Kid.

Ah yes December 1963, was still in the  full grip of Beatles fever,  'I want to hold your hand' would be played everywhere.

The family are sat in my Grans living room. We kids, the brothers three and tiny Sis, had to be on our best behaviour as this is the room only used for best. "Mind what you do with that cup of tea" "yes Gran" I would reply as I dunk one of her homemade short bread biscuits. Oh crumbs they are scrummy.
Father and my Uncle are laughing as each take turns wearing the black mop like shaggy Beatles Wig, and I laughed till tears filled my eyes as Grandad with a huge grin has the wig plonked on his head by his son, this was considered long hair back then and on my grandad  it looked Hilarious as he had grey and rather thinning hair, I'd never seen him with dark hair before it was strangely amusing, we would regard this Wig as short hair these days,  my Brothers and I however did have really short hair cuts, "short back and sides" my father always asked the barber for us boys every time we were due a cut, I never liked it much, I have to say as my dark blond hair would curl every time it rained and I liked it when it was wavy and natural,but with a short back and sides it just tickled.
when us kids were allowed in the living room alone I'd tune the Radio until I found something funny to listen too, Grandads radio had the fan like grill made of Bakelite. and the large dial would be lit up and you wound the pointer till you found some thing like this http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b007jv86 As yes the Goons this will give you belly laughs for sure and my belly enjoyed many a laugh with all the chuckles Milligan's Goons would conjure.
I'd end up imitating the voices of course and calling my dad "oohh you naughty man youuw."
 I'm wearing my now well worn  blue paisley jumper identical to my twins, unlike myself to my twin, my elder brother would be in his green reindeer adorned collared jumper. the only difference in trousers would be that his were long trousers even though I was almost as tall.
(Ah the shorter  twin brother syndrome) and ours would be short.
Image for The White Neddie Trade

Other jolly japes on the radio would be, Around the horn,  Jimmy Cliverow, the Navy lark with Jon Pertwee, Ronnie Barker and Leslie Phillips to name but a few. http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b01nmgrk
                                                                                                    
Even Steptoe and Son, and Hancocks Half Hour were regulars on BBC's Radio.
I'm Sorry, I'll Read That Again maybe a show you know,  the pilot programme having been broadcast on 30 December 1963 under the title "Cambridge Circus" With Tim Brooke-Taylor (later became one of the three members ofThe Goodies). He has written humorous books on various subjects, including cricket and golf. He was a member of the cast of the television comedy series At Last the 1948 Show with John Cleese (as well as Graham Chapman and Marty Feldman), and later appeared in Marty Feldman's television comedy series Marty. Brooke-Taylor has acted in many other television sitcoms, as well as appearing in the 1970s BBC radio sketch show Hello, Cheeky! with John Junkin and Barry Cryer, a show which later translated to ITV.

I would very often find a new hole in my jumper and be told off for picking at it... I put it down to an over active moth or poor maintenance.
Now then, I do remember pulling on my charcoal grey duffel coat with it's red tartan lining and heading off to Town with the other family members, Gran and Grandad lived near the Town Centre so it was only a matter of a 20 minute walk to reach the Centre,  the winter sky would be dark allowing the best view of the coloured water spouts from the fountain opposite the Guildhall and it was beautiful, I would race round it with my brothers , and the water that was now our backdrop would change from red, green, yellow to blue, onlookers would only see the shadowed figures of us boys full of laughter between the coloured sequences. 20 years later this would be dismantled and moved to front the museum but the lights were never to shine again....I think a tree fairy died that day just from the sadness of such innocent beauty being put to death.
Well after our usual run round the fountain, which happened every time we passed it, we headed to Woolworth's because the rumour was Santa was in town... yes the Real Santa!, can you believe that?...  What did you say?.. Hum well anyway we were off to see the breaded one and we joined the long throng of kids all lined up for the same thing, "Mum I'm bored" my elder brother would say, "well you'll have to wait."   "Yea I want my present so shut up" that's me ever the diplomat.

Well wait we did and I swear this Jolly soul looked the real deal, no fake beard for this fella. oh no, and the suit was excellent, straight form some Hollywood Jobby I'd say. "Ah my boy and what would you like for Christmas?"  is this guy kidding me? I want a Bike obviously so I tell him, he just smiles with that "yea well I want a mansion" face, and passes me a wrapped parcel, OH Boy I love guessing the parcel, don't you? Hum ah yes well hum.... could be a book of some kind and something hard but squishy, blimey no idea what that is.
"WAIT!!  till your brother gets his," Blimey ok miss angry I'm just investigating the possibilities here, give a kid a break, I say in my head,  "Ok Mum" I really say, poking the lump in the centre of the parcel again.....na got nothing I'm thinking.
I must point out my sister is three at this stage and the light of her daddies eye who is now with Santa smiling like a Cheshire Cat with my sister in his arms, accepting the present on her behalf, the little tike rips into it straight away... well that's girls for ya.....
"Now you can open them" Mother says and she didn't have to say that twice so she didn't.
Rip!!........OH that's what it was, how cool a Huckleberry Hound bendy rubbery toy (I say bendy, but the toy clearly had a thick wire skeleton that would soon wear through the deteriorating rubber in time, a health and safety nightmare that would never happen now as the wire would also snap and protrude from the constant bending, very sharp broken ends and kids don't mix) but that was later this was now and this was a cool toy. 

My elder brother had Mr. Jinks. the cat and my twin had Yogi Bear, Now your wondering what about the books, I'm getting there, the books turned out the be colouring and puzzle books which was also cool as it would give us something to do while the adults did their stuff... Ok which of you asked in your head "What did your sister get?" how do I know she's like ......a girl and it was probably some doll with a stupid bow. happy now? yeeesh..

The walk back to Gran and Grandads never took  long and the fire lit in the grate was a cheery welcome to us Arctic explorers,just back from the north pole, it felt toasty warm after the cold night air. we were all now gathered in the dinning room in the middle of the lower floors of Gran’s and there was a salad spread which we had to help ourselves to, ohhhh Yum, ham cheese lettuce be friends haha.. Oh and grandad made the best pickled Onions EVER!! so we all dipped into those... But Wait! there in the middle was another jar with what looked like tiny ears, to this day I wish I just stayed curious it was none other then a jar of pickled whelks, "go on try some it will put hairs on your chest" this was one of my Grandads’ sayings he always used like a I dare ya.. I opened the jar and forked out a Whelk... I didn't like the look of this fella but I had to prove I'm a Man....ok tiny man, so I pop it in my mouth and my mouth said "NO we don't want it".... but I couldn't spit it out I'd be murdered where I stood, so I held my nose and swallowed EWWW it was like a bitter tasting rubber slug Eww... bluaaaa I didn't like it and from that day on I refused to eat anything that even hinted at putting hairs on my chest.

We Kids all made our beds on the floor of one of Gran's bed rooms to await Christmas day.....and I tell you there must have been some real sneaky sneaks going on that night, apart from almost being killed in my bed by my brothers whelky farts, there was a sack with Santa heading down the Chimney printed on it at the end of all our beds, Oh what a lovely surprise that was, I had a small model of a motorbike and sidecar a cowboy gun a holster sketch pads and pencils it was all fantastic. there was also Apples Orange and Bananas, you may think that strange but my parents grew up in the Second World War and to them this fruit was the greatest gift of all.

By the way just before Christmas a new show Called Doctor Who started that November with a grumpy old grandad in, I thought this very interesting.....Just imagine you could go anywhere in time, I could go see the Romans who Built the walls round Southampton and ask them when were they going to finish..
Except for the whelks I loved Christmas 1963 ..Yea yea yea yeaaaaa. as the Beatles would say.

Tuesday, 10 July 2012

A spoof of 50 Shades... 50 Shades of Earl Grey.

50 Shades of Earl Grey




Brent lay on his back, as he sighed staring at the ceiling. 
'Oh my good grief,' he said in his head, as he realised watching all episodes of  Doctor Who season 6 back to back was a bad idea for a Sunday Evening.
He turned to see the flashing warning from the alarm clock. 'damn now I have to rush....'
He leapt out of bed naked except for the clothes he was wearing... turning the shower on to full flood to wake his still sleeping mind and body.. The water hit his body like a wave, not the sort of wave you give to friends across the street, no this was more like a wave from a stormy sea.

Dressing quickly in blue floral Cotton shirt with the last two buttons undone, navy blue flannel trousers blue socks and his dark brown shoes, he reached into the wardrobe one last time to grab his brown linen jacket.

Dashing through the kitchen, no time for anything now he took what he could find to eat later and shoved them into his jacket pocket.
The buzzing of the garage door met him as he passed through the front door...
And there she was. Gleaming from the shadows of the garage. Red and inviting, he took her from behind and backed her out of the garage doors into the bright sunlit Morn.
Brent spent over £2000 on this little beauty, and riding her was always a pleasure. The posture sprung mountain bike was his pride and joy....and he rode her hard.
He was in the lift when Gabriel tripped on the slightly raised lip of the lift floor and she fell into him, 'OH MY GOD' she thought as she felt something hard pressing into her hip, it can't be she thought, not this time of the morning!! moving away embarrassed she gushed out a Sorry to Brent who was still smiling at her, he really fancied Gabby as he called her but she never took any interest in him at all.
"Oh it's fine." He said, beaming at her. 
She tried not to stare at the bulge that had so recently pressed against her, but her mind was now conjuring up all kinds of things, and she knew what she would do with it, if she had it...
She had to ask... "Ah is that a Crunchy Granola Bar in your pocket?"  
"Yes ...yes it is." Brent replied, "I never had time for breakfast this morning, so I was thinking of having it with my coffee." "COFFEE?" She said, "Oh my poor boy,  Earl Grey is what you need on a morning rush like that! I'm having one myself, would you like me to bring you one?"  
"That would be lovely!"Brent said taken by surprise by the kind offer from the gorgeous Gabby, in her tight fitting green dress.
She imagined it now rolling on her tongue, 'would he have a spicy one? or would he play it safe and go with the Maple and Almond...' She was now craving the nutty taste, She knew she had some ginger bars in a safe place.
Earlier that Morning Gabriel had stopped at one of the many new Coffee bars that now lined the High Street. She had to have it there and then, hot and dark, the lip of the cup pressing against  her lips, she knew she would have to take it standing up, as all the comfy chairs were taken. Her first Earl Gray of the day sent a quiver down her spine as it travelled down her throat.

Leaving Brent in the lift, as he headed for the third floor.

Gabriel could hardly contain her wanton desire for more Earl Grey... 
She raced into the canteen, switching on the silver kettle by the microwave. "damn," she hissed as she noticed a wisp of steam that taunted her,  the water appeared ready! But it wasn't ready because it needed filling.
Now full enough for two cups she switch the kettle on, satisfied, she now rushed to her desk.... She was too excited to think straight, and pulled her draws open, her hands reached in, she knew the ginger bars were in the left hand draw, but having remembered a half eaten dime bar in the right she took both and walked back to the canteen, as she returned finished off the dime bar, by taking it into her mouth in one, she bit down and the delightful shards of caramel mixed with Delicious chocolate coated her tongue. she moaned as the sweet taste filled her mouth.
Back in the Kitchen, Gabriel placed a bag with its string hanging over the edge of each cup and poured the hot liquid. The string on each cup pulled tight as the bags bulged in the hot water, Gabriel was about to start tugging on each bag when her Mothers voice warned....'Never rush it dear! its better to wait five minutes so as to bring out the full flavour.'
Five minutes passed like Five minutes, and she threw the depleted sacks into the bin.
She liked it hot....but this was too hot, she still pressed the cup to her lips and the tongue licked the rim..oh yes way to hot.
Brent watched Gabby as her well rounded bottom pushed the glass doors open.... He laughed to himself as he always did when he heard the word 'BUT TOCKS' in his crazy brain, Brent's head was full of more voices then Paddington Station on a Tuesday afternoon.
One voice was now saying in slow motion, as Gabby backed in through the doors....'Ohhhh Yeeaaaaaaa!' like the Yello song.
"Here you go, one Earl Grey." 
"Thank you Gabby, this is so kind of you." He said, trying but not succeeding to look at her breasts, while she leaned over to place his cup down on the desk. "Wow!" He mumbled, "that looks great!" Hoping she realised  he meant the Tea.
"Yes it is good isn't it, you should quit that coffee lark, and drink more Earl Grey." She paused, as she thought, 'if you want that tight ripped body of yours to stay healthy.'
She watch as he raised the cup to his soft full lips...
"Humm, lovely,  very aah... Very tasty Gabby."  
'Think nothing of it." she said turning, and Brent took in  the curves of her body and let out his second Sigh of the day.

Victoria couldn't resist it any more she had to feel his package, hoping to feel the rounded ridges  at her finger tips. She hoped to feel Jammie dodgers... and in her disappointment she screamed out at Phillip in the kitchen. "Bloody Bourbons! you know I hate Bourbons with that stupid white layer of whatever!"

'Sorry Darling." Phil shouted back. "I can't hear you, the kettle is boiling... Help yourself to a biscuit! I wont me long." 'You're never LONG!' she shouted back.
She had been looking forward to a mouthful of Jammie Dodger, where her tongue could explore the ring of it's Jammie centre.
"By the way," Phil said, as he walked into the room with a tray. "I forgot you prefer Jammie Dodgers so I've put some around your saucer."
"Oh lovely!" she cooed , "your so thoughtful, I love that about you, you always make sure I'm satisfied."
"OH, Yes! Of course my Dear. I'd feel awful if I let you down." 
She looked up at his handsome face, "Shall we forget the tea and just have sex instead?"
'Very well Darling if that's what you want?"
'Give over, don't be ridiculous you fool, I was joking give me my Earl Grey, I want it while it's full and rich."
Phil sat beside Vicky... She was beautiful.
"I think your right, it is better when its hot." 
He lifted a hand to touch her face, then wiped a crumb of Jammie biscuit away. 
Vicky had taken it in almost whole. Her cheeks were as full like a squirrel, with it's nuts, but the look of Ecstasy was there for all to see.


more information on Earl Grey for you..


A blend of Indian and Ceylon teas, Earl Grey tea is infused with the flavor of bergamot, a small citrus fruit from Asia now cultivated in Italy. The health benefits of bergamot have been documented for centuries. Many of these benefits can be attributed to bergamot's antioxidants. Antioxidants attack free radicals, which have damaging effects that age the body. In this way the antioxidants in Earl Grey tea help your body stay young and healthy, fight off infection and keep illness at bay. That's why Earl Grey tea is recommended for patients with cold or flu, who often need to boost their immunity. Earl Grey tea is also used to reduce the temperature of patients who have a fever.




Chapter Two
Tea and Buns

Well Hello again readers …..here  I was going to add a plot change, but the characters of this little folly had something good to watch on TV… some random Shakespeare thingy… they are such lovey's …
Well that just leaves us ….ecthum .. (Awkwardly, clears thoat)  well ..crazy weather we’re having (OMG, Think of something!)  very eh very wet isn't it…. And Sunny!….but mainly wet (come on think of something you’re looking desperate!) very wet indeed….
Brent rode up Mount pleasant street (thank god, back on track) turning left he saw Gabby sat in the window of Costa, this was Fortunately a new and surprising honest Coffee shop in Lower Piddle High Street.
The door sounded with ring, as soon as Brent entered .. "Hello Sir! How can I help you today…. It’s all very expensive and I don’t recommend  the muffins as they are way over priced." ( like I said a surprisingly honest shop).
"Well...hum? let me see, I’ll have an Earl Grey please." 
"Are you sure sir!" 
"Yes very sure thank you." 
"And how would you like it Sir?" 
"In a cup if possible." And Brent flushed red, as his humour flew over the head of the straight face assistant.  
"Ecthum…" He cleared his throat. "I’ll have it medium black like my coffee…haha." (tumble weed moment)
"Very well sir. if you’d like to take a seat I’ll bring it straight over."  
Brent paid and walked over to Gabby’s table. 
"May I join you?" She looked up with a look of alarm as he’d just woke her from a day dream of swimming in chocolate. "Oh Brent... Yes, sorry, yes take a seat, I was miles away then.. Oh mind the mess I just had a Muffin, and it was rather crumbly." 
Brent took the seat opposite and brushed off a few crumbs, he wondered how she managed to get the crumbs to travel so far, she must have really bit into the Muffin with some vigour…. 
It’s at this point I’d normally Procrastinate about adding a long and totally unnecessary word to the story, what an absurd ambiguous Dilemma. but alas I can’t think of one.

"Thank  you for the Tea yesterday, ah, oh, by the way I took your advice, I'm having an Earl Grey, and it's  on it's way."  

"Oh lovely, she replied, glad I could help." 
He watched the speckles of crumbs on her chin,as she spoke and found them rather distracting.
She seemed to sense what he was looking at and wiped her chin quickly.. 
"Oh SORRY! How embarrassing." Her lips, with the cherry red lip stick looking so kissable.
"Oh, I didn’t notice he lied..."

Not five miles away….what? …pardon? 

Well I’m not going to walk it am I. it’s a story.. OK wait there ( The Author gets into his car and drives not five miles away)
Exactly 4.78 miles away. 'happy now are we?' Susan longed for some excitement. The touch. The feel. Yes she wanted Cake! 
But the choices were so damned tempting, she wanted them all! 
You can lemon drizzle me anytime baby, she thought as she eyed the waiter in his skin tight black trousers. 
"Would you like to order?"
 'Hell yea,' she thought, you on this table right now!, just move the pepper shaker that would be a painful accident waiting to happen.' 
"I’d like the cherry pie. Hot! with Vanilla Cream, and you if you’re not too busy."…. 'holy cow! she thought,  'did I just say that out loud?' "If your not busy serving others, can bring me an Earl Gray too." Good save! she told herself.
"Thank you madam I’ll bring it right over…"

The Earl Grey now sat in front of Brent.. he sipped the dark liquid, and it was Hot! to damned Hot!
"Gabby ?..hum. Are you seeing anyone at the moment?"
"Well the Doctor said if I keep taking the eye drops my sight would improve soon." she chuckled.
Brent did the 'I better laugh!' because she’s gorgeous and funny… "Ha ha." he laughed.
"No, no..." he looked Ernest.  and he knew how Ernest looked because he worked in the post room.
"What I mean is, I’d like to take you... Take you out, he stammered,  "maybe we could have dinner or something?"
Gabriel looked hard at Brent, as she sucked on the lemon that came with her Tea.
"Oh well, I’m free Sunday but on Monday you have to pay!" She chuckled to herself again, 'god he will think I’m an idiot!' she thought.
"Sunday's good, so Sunday  it is then... say 7 ish? Is OK? that sounds fine." Brent said as he gulped down more tea. 'Bloody hell that’s hot!' He wiped a tear before she noticed, and said "Well I have to get going Greg is meeting me at the Gym!"
Gabriel knew Greg, he was a rather tubby man in his late 40’s "Lovely chatting, I’ll see you Sunday then." Brent said raising from his seat to leave.
She watched him mounting his bike, as his perfect buttocks met the saddle. 
'Wow.' she thought, 'nice buns.'  She also chuckled at the word 'BUT TOCKS' now sat firmly in her brain, just like Brent the day before.
And strangely enough, it was nice Buns Patricia  was tucking into right now, the jam filling slipping deliciously over her tongue and down her throat... Her heart was racing, it was from the sugar rush, and she was loving being on board the sugar train. 'Choo Choo!'
She took her cup of Earl Grey slowly, not wanting to rush it, she wanted to savour every lovely moment...

"Hello Greg... Where the bloody hell have you been? I’ve stood here like a lemon for half an hour man!" Greg said and he looked annoyed. 
"I bumped into Gabby, at the cafe."
"Oh... You’d like to Bump into Gabby more like. And often!" He said as he gave Brent that all knowing look.
"Oh shut up!" Brent replied, "she’s lovely." 
"I don’t doubt it me old fruit, but look! she’s coming between us already." Greg said pouting his lips... 
Brent patted Greg’s cheek mockingly, "shut it you." 
The guys played tennis every Friday night. 
So new balls please.

Chapter Three
Chunk

As Saturdays go, this one was a very wet and windy….


This particular Saturday evening saw Victoria and Phillip doing a little late night shopping. Vicky fancied something fruity and plucked two plums off the shelf….
"Oh, do be a dear and grab a banana for me would you? I’ll have it for Lunch on Monday". Phillip shouted across from the cheese counter; He was sampling some goat’s cheese. "Hum... Vicky come try this Drunken Goat!" (This is a Spanish cheese from …. Spain) 
He still chuckled at the Tetilla Cheese which translates as Nipple.
As Vicky joined him, he pointed to the Drunken Goat cheese, which was resting between the Stinking Bishop and a large slice of Hooligan.  
"Well if you like, get 220 grams." Vicky suggested as she tossed the banana into the basket…


Phil sat in the cream leather chair in the lounge, while Vicky sorted the shopping out on the table, as she did so she dropped a plum, and it rolled a wobbly path past her legs, so she bent, half turning to retrieve her plum when she felt Phillip stood behind her. 

“Oh Really Phillip, those sorts of shenanigans are for Sunday night!” She said turning to facing him, to chastise him some more, till she saw she had backed onto the Banana half hanging from from the bag on the table.
'Oh well that explains it, I thought that was unusually frisky,' she said to herself.



You have to discipline yourself that’s the secret of exercise. It’s not meant to be a punishment for the body, it’s a meant to be a benefit. Well that’s what Brent was telling himself as he stooped to do more press up’s … 'Oh stuff  this! I’ll have marmite on toast instead' and on that enlightened brain wave he headed to the kitchen. 
Two slices of granary bread later, Brent sat watching the news. As he watched he thought of Gabby and her fabulous curly body… 'Oh Gabby, Gabby, Gabby.' He said in his head as his tongue delighted in the marmity toast. 
And because she said he needed it, he'd bought some Earl Grey, so he was now resting the steaming brew on his crouch, as he had nowhere else to rest the mug of tea.


She could feel it pounding and pounding….at this rate she was never going to get any sleep…. 'Bloody thunder!' she murmured. This was the second time she had woken in the night, the first time she woke herself by shouting “Don’t spank the Monkey in the hallway!”  'Oh good lord,' she said in her head. She had been watching Rise of the Planet of the Apes that evening and it seems to have followed her to bed.

Gabriel sighed and rolled over wrapping the duvet tighter round her body.


Steven couldn't believe the size of it…. Susan said she had one, but that was huge, he looked at her frowning 
“You couldn’t possibly …?” he was saying, and she cut him off short. “Not in one go. No!”  
“Blimey” he said, amazed, and she placed it between her ample supply of oranges in the glass bowl, centrally positioned atop  her dark oak coffee table.


“So I imagine you take it a piece at a time?”   
“Well yea!!” she said. “Haven’t you had Toblerone before?” "Not one that big, no… that would last me a week or more.”
"Well." Susan said. “I did say I couldn't eat a whole one at once, is your Earl Grey is getting cold by the way?”
“Oh.. Yes, I was  feeling your Muffins, they are very firm aren't they.”  
“I made them fresh today, thank you for noticing,  help your self!”  
Steve went straight to the white iced beauty with the cherry on top. 
“Oh... this is scrummy! I love the way it feels on my tongue, and having something steamy to go with it is a heavenly treat.” 
"Well Thank you." Susan said as she held a dark triangle chocolate to her lips, then let it  slide into her mouth. Then she held a second segment, and dropped it down her cleavage. 
"That's your piece." 
And Steven fought not to spit out the mouthful of tea he’d just taken.
Chapter Four

The Buffalo Bill

She really wanted it this morning... Hard! and Nutty! with a hint of ginger. 
So riffling through her draws once again Gabriel grabbed the last of her Ginger Crunchy Granola Bars.
"OH Yes!" she sighed, as her  taste buds boogied with delight.

This Sunday morning was brighter than yesterday, with a gorgeous sunrise making the mist hug the ground, as the clouds stretched thin in the sky over the trees and fields of Lower Piddle.
Joggers in teams of two or three ran as joggers do on such lovely mornings, with their eye's screaming 'Why am I doing this?' avoiding the puddles of the previous nights rain. 
Susan was running on her own down the winding path that lead to the tree lined bridleway. 
The earthy smell after the rain was fabulous, she breathed it all in as she ran between trees and shrubs, and the light danced over her, like bright fairies at a disco. 

Once home She kicked off her trainers and headed for the shower, discarding her top and shorts into the laundry basket at the top landing as she enter the bathroom, and from the door way she threw her bra and pants into the basket like a professional basketball player, if throwing pants was a sporting event she would have scored a perfect 3 every time.
Now naked, as she found it the best way to shower, she turned on the water, adjusting till it was as hot as she could bare, the water cascaded over her athletically toned body, and she was using a Chocolate scented shower gel, that now ran wave after soapy wave, down her tanned skin, her hands working the sweet smelling gel into all her  curves and crevices. (Blimey is it getting hot in here?) 
'Oh God this feels fabulous after a good run,' Susan said to herself, with that satisfied sigh that comes from such pleasures. 
('I'm no betting man but I bet it felt good too....the shower that is... not Susan...not that Susan wouldn't feel lovely too you understand...naked...Gulp!!'     'OK  I need a cold shower now!') 

Susan towelled herself off, took the robe from it's hook on the door, and wrapped it round her, as she took the stairs down to the kitchen, where she switched on the kettle and picked up her book from where she left off, ten minutes later mug in hand she entered the lounge and sat in her comfy chair Earl Grey at her side, She loved her Sundays.....her time to relax, and the sun coming through the window into her mainly cream coloured lounge made it all the more lovely.

Brent was excited, today was going to be his date with the Gorgeous Gabby and he wanted it to be perfect, he spent some time Saturday looking for an after shave as he wanted to smell good, he was thinking something woody perhaps.
He asked the girl at the counter, "Excuse me!....What would a woman like? which of these smell best?" 
"That would depend on what she likes." 
Not helpful Brent thought...
"Oh, So there isn't one that really stands out to you?" he asked again.   
"Well there is this one......It smells of dark chocolate.  
('Hum I sense a theme here, Maybe I should have got paid for product placement? Where's an Agent when you need one?')   
"Oh really?" Brent replied... "and girls love chocolate right?" he added...
"Most definitely,  I was sucking on one not five minutes ago!"  "Oh great said Brent how much?"  "
Not a lot, I didn't want to over do it, a moment on the lips a lifetime on the hips! as they say."  she chuckled, "it was only a whisper."  
"NO....I mean how much is the After Shave... "
"Oh silly me... It's £49.99." said the blond assistant. 
"Blood and Sand!" Brent said in alarm, "it's a very tiny bottle for 50 quid isn't it?" 
"It's the top of the range sir!" (Well that explains it)  
"OK." he said,  "I'll take it... 
(It's a strange thing, but people never want to look cheap do they?  and they always end up buying things  they wish they  had the sense to avoid, but he really, really likes Gabby.)

Gabriel looked stunning in a green sparkling evening dress, that clung to her curves like a lovers caress. 
"Wow! You look stunning Gabby." (Told you) 
Brent said as he was greeted at the door... 
"Oh, This old thing? Thank you it's  just something I threw on." she smiled warmly. (Yes she threw it on several times after trying 20 other dresses.)
They reached the restaurant via Gabriel's yellow  Cleo as Brent had no car of his own.  
"Table for two Please." Brent told the young Italian looking waiter. 
"Right this way sir...would you like the table by the window?" "That would be excellent thank you.." 
The waiter pulled a chair out for Gabriel and she sat with a Thank you... 
Brent sat opposite as he did at the Coffee bar.... Well here we are." He said.
"Yes, isn't it lovely here." Gabriel said, looking around the candle lite restaurant, it looked very romantic with cosy little nooks for lovers to spend a wonderful evening eating, wtih   Beautifully presented food.
The reason Brent picked this  Particular Restaurant was that it had Buffalo Steak with Buffalo Mozzarella.  "You don't get any fat on Buffalo meat." he explained to Gabby. 
"Oh that sounds lovely." she said, "I'll leave you to order then."
Brent ordered the Steaks which came on a heated flat stone that allowed the meat to sizzle away with the Mozzarella melting into the meat to add it's juices to the flavour.
The still cooking food meant it was all the more inviting with it's thick cut chips in there skins, honeyed parsnips, carrots and runner beans, with a rich red wine sauce.  
Gabby selected the red wine at Brent's request and she chose a cheeky little British wine called Pinot Noir 2010 from Bolney Wine Estate.

The favours bursting on to Gabriel's tongue made her want to squeal with delight....'OH My God!' she thought, 'this is just fantastic... Hum I'm loving this.' and her taste buds agreed.  and the juices  were so rich she swallowed them slowly and with great pleasure....
"How is it?" Brent asked, eyebrows raised.
"Oh it's absolutely Divine, I've never had Buffalo before, it's wonderful!"
The meal was indeed lovely and both enjoyed the evening and chatted about life and their dreams......no work talk.
Even the view looking over a large lake seemed to make the evening even more magical, as the bird life  around the lake came and went, throughout the night.

"I really enjoyed this evening Brent." Gabby said.
Brent  looked  straight into her beautiful green eye's, that were made all greener, by reflecting the green of her dress.
"Oh, Ah, I loved every minute Gabby." he said feeling like the luckiest man in Britain... "I'll see you tomorrow." and he moved closer and kissed her cheek.  
Gabriel felt her heart skip a beat for a second and turned her head to meet his lips.......when the kiss came, her lips seemed to tingle like an electric current was passing from Brent to her and Brent felt it too........after a rather long and lingering kiss, Gabriel unlocked the door looked into Brent's blue eyes, took his hand and pulled him inside.... he didn't resist.

(Why the lucky Baa,....... that would never of happened in my day, oh no,  you might be lucky and get a firm hand shake and a hearty goodbye..... Kids of today Eh? well I never.)

I need a steaming Earl Grey after that...... and I guess they will too, so lets leave them to it, shall we.


Chances are you've heard that a little alcohol - especially wine - is good for the heart and for health generally. 
Sorting out fact from wishful thinking isn't easy. We look at the facts and find a little wine is probably fine - just don't overdo it. 


Wednesday, 4 April 2012

A step back in time.

A step back in time.
This banksy looks exactly like me as a Kid

Well this will be a slice of the 60's taken from those little memory nuggets stored in the back of my mind, where it sleeps, yes, till I wish to remember them.





"Oh yes, I can when I want to. And that's the point, really. I have to really want to, to bring them back in front of my eyes. The rest of the time they... they sleep in my mind and I forget. And so will you. Oh yes, you will. You'll find there's so much else to think about. To remember. Our lives are different to anybody Else's. That's the exciting thing, that nobody in the universe can do what we're doing."
:Patrick Troughton.
We of the Baby Boomer breed seemed to have more freedom to wander as children, and we could venture out alone.

My Elder brother had a Trike!..."Really!"... Shh! he'll hear you.
It was a beauty, red with yellow handles and seat, it taunted me to ride it....oh yes it did.
OK so I'm 3 3/4's and forbidden to ride the for mentioned trike.
But my brother is at school.... hmm, now this is my opportunity to make a break for the hills.
So tip toe little me... and unlock the garden gate, up the path to the second gate leading to the alley separating one row of four houses from another, then I am out! I'm on that bike and I'm peddling... The G forces on my face lifted at least two hairs on my head out of place, 'This is awesome!' The exit between the garden walls is rushing towards me at an incredible 1/8 a mile per hour... I hit the small step onto the concrete path heading for the asphalt path that circles the homes built in rectangles, turning left now I'm going down hill....... Brakes? Brakes!! not a clue, what's a brake ?...
The end of the row is coming up fast and I need to turn left, so I can take the path at the front of these council homes.
I make the turn...who knew three wheels could become two! But armed with pure ignorance I keep the bike on the path... 'Wow' this is fun isn't it? I say in my head, but no one answers, we're too busy having fun!... And then it happens!... 'what was that??' I feel it again, so I stop peddling, because something is tickling my face, 'hmm what is it..?' I touch my forehead and it's wet! 'what ?' Where did that come from?
As I run my hand over my face a bead of water runs down my hand... Crumbs this is awkward I seem to be malfunctioning in some way...
With a sense of urgency now I start peddling again passing the last of the four houses, I turn left again and head up hill...'Cor blimey!' this isn't easy...
I dismount and run with the trike the rest of the way untill I turn left yet again and head back into the alley... to gate one... gate two...
"MUM!! ...MUMMY!!" I bang my tiny fist on the back door... I'm better off shouting because no one but a dog sleeping against the door would hear that! "MUMMMMMMMMMMM!"
The door opens and this giant is now looking down on me, "What have you been up to now?.... have you been riding your brothers bike?" "ahhh humm," looking back at the bike I return my gaze to my mother's smiling face.. "Mum I've broken my head, it's leaking!"
"What?"
"I'm leaking! my head is leaking... look!"
I point to the water running down my face... and Mum starts chuckling, "Your not leaking, you're sweating!!"
"Oh NO! is that more bad then leaking?" I ask, in me best child English init...
"No ( chuckle, chuckle) it means your hot! people sweat when they get hot!..."
"Really?" I ask...
"Yes..."
Well where did the water come from? it had to come from somewhere? I don't understand this sweating thing at ALL!...
OK so I'm not going to die through leakage so I fess up to riding the bike.
"That will teach you," Mother says... "Come in you better have some water."
Ahhh... very shrewd this is a sneaky ways to replace my empty head tank... I'm thinking.
No one appeared to have money to waste, forget the bright and Fab! colours you see in films depicting the age.
Only the well off could afford to follow such trends, Oh no the main colours worn by the majority would be blue, brown, beige or grey, these clothes are also more likely to be hand me downs from a jumble sale (think boot sale indoors without the cars)
Because of this hardly anyone housed on a council estate owned a car... How great would that be today? you can barely park anywhere these days.
But back then, the roads surrounding our homes only had one car to seen, and this belonged to Mr Bishop, he's in his late 50's to early 60's at this time and he sells insurance, and as fate will have it, yesterday I came across a car not just the same make but the very same colour...





As the roads are so clear we often played tennis in the road using the curbs and the concrete joints to mark our court... This estate had generous green areas too, where if we wished we could play football, which nearly all the kids did play, you could end up with over 20 a side, sometimes even the adults wanted to join in these games, so we would have two kids for every adult... there was a clever and simple answer to every activity in those playful days...

The streets would be full of kids, playing all kinds of games ... the only limit was your imagination... you could be the 300 Spartans out numbered but defiant! or Cowboys and Indians... Soldiers from any war you could think of.









The woods were also a place of adventure, where you could clime trees, swing, or build your own den in the bushes by tying the branches together in a A frame, this made a comfy den where the entrance arched like a church, off cuts of Lino or carpet lined the floor... To a child it was the best play house ever!! and built by your own fair hands.
These skills are lost on the computer generation... unless there are still children out there looking for adventure that is, and not something that can only be satisfied by a hand held console.

I mentioned swings, and some of the braver lads hung these from the high branches of a tree... with a short branch tied at the other end as a seat,
These self made swings would be guarded by the older kids who made them, so to play on it you had to ask for permission or wait untill they had gone... You could use this swing by climbing with the swing, then swing out from the tree or hold the branch that was acting as a seat and run out in a circle till your feet left the ground, the faster you ran the further you swung out. This was the method I was using now aged between 5 and 6...

For some reason no one else was on the swing... so I played for hours, the main aim was to be off the ground for as long as possible, so you could make believe you're flying, when coming back towards the ground you'd tuck up your legs and place them down at the very last second.

Once I left it to late, so I hit the ground on my knees, but brushing myself down I set out again on the wide circular run...
I don't know how long it was before I noticed the tickling trickle on my right leg but looking down I saw my knee was bleeding, and the once white socks I wore, one was now a vibrant red! soaked in my blood.

We all wore shorts in those days too, my Parents would never think of buying long trousers for a child...

'Well I better head home then,' I thought, I don't recall any pain, only that tickle, by the time I reached for the front door I realised my Mother was going to go ballistic!...
I had ruined my socks!... So I tried to cry... not easy when you don't feel it, so it was more of a pathetic sob then a cry but thinking my Mother wouldn't hit me if I was upset I continued this subterfuge and knocked... The door opened, looking at me, Mum said "What have you done this time?.... get in quick."

She took me into the Kitchen which, in the 60's was the main living area anyway, the living room was for special occasions only and hardly used, this changed in the latter part of 63' following the purchase of the first record player I'd ever seen...

'She loves You' by the Beatles was played over and over... very high tech... but wait why are you reading this! While I'm sat bleeding in the kitchen? you really need to get your priorities straight...

So there I am sitting in the kitchen having my knee washed, Are you with me now?... Good we can move on.

"Oh this looks bad!" My mother informs me as she wipes at the damage.. By now I'm half sleepy... after running round for hours... I was in need of a nap, but this announcement from my Mother now has my full attention believe you me...
"What Mum?"
"You have a really deep cut in your knee, I think we better go to the doctors."
'Woaaw' Wait a minute, this can't be! it didn't even hurt!... but with a handkerchief wrapped round the knee, purely for hygienic reasons as it had no bogie's, off we trot to the doctors...
Crumbs! could this day get any worse?... No one likes going to the doctors, they tend to use you for darts practise...
"I'm afraid your son will need stitches."
'WOAAH' My hands immediately wrap round my knee to protect it... "NO! it just needs a plaster," I plead... rather panicked.
This doctor is obviously a complete loony... "OK thank you Doc ... Mum can we go get a plaster now?"

"No young man, you will need stitches the wound is far to deep for plasters" the doctor insists .... isn't it funny how quick fake tears turn in to real ones.... "NO Mum!.....NO!"

Anyway a bus ride to the hospital later... (some emergency this is)
I'm waiting for a nurse to look at my knee... and on arrival she tricked me with the equivalent of someone shouting "look ...a cat!" to a dog... and as I look away, she puts a needle the size of a bike pump to my threatened mind into my knee....... "Ahhhwwwa that bloody hurt!" I bellow.

I should point out at this stage that it was seen as very rude to say 'bloody' back then, and for a nearly six year old all eyes fell on a blushing Mother...
"The Things they learn at school" she proclaimed, trying to looked shocked, and I knew as soon as we got out I'd get a thick ear... (a term for a whack round the head..)
I never got a thick ear, but I did get an ear bashing.
"You never swear again is that clear! You really embarrassed me then."
"Sorry Mum" I mutter, still in pain from needle and stitches...

So here's me three stitches the heavier and it throbs like the red hot pokers of hell, as we walk to the nearest Bus Stop.
That journey home was a long and painful ride and tears of pain ran down my cheeks...

 I never slept a wink that night the pain was much to great for that... As a new day dawned I was too tired to care and spent the day in a daze...
At school I was a Hero, everyone wanted to see the stitches... which is probably the reason the wound was infected by the time the stitched were eventually removed, and this horrible green puss oozed out... and the wound was cleaned, using cotton buds soaked in what looked and smelt like diluted dettol, my leg was rebandaged and a tetanus jab was included for good measure, my day in hospital was done...

Well the price of freedom doesn't come cheap, going out unsupervised in the 60's could lead to a injury or three... But would I trade those days for safety? Not on your Nelly ......... NO WAY!